I am marked.
I was made a little differently than most and
They shrink away from it,
Their noses wrinkled in disgust.
I’m not the same.
I don’t fit their cookie cutter mold.
I am color in their world
Of black and white.
For a while, this tortured me.
I tried to change myself,
I tried my hardest to paint myself grey,
To bend my limbs to fit their cast, and
Even then it wasn’t good enough for them.
I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere.
Until I opened my eyes and realized I’m not the only one who was marked.
The other colors,
The others who are rejected by the status quo,
I surround myself with them.
Where being special is important.
Where being myself is an asset.
I bloomed with these new friendships,
And I have only grown stronger.
Together, in their amiable embrace,
I have come to realize
That the scars I wield,
From when they have tried to turn me down,
Turn me away,
Turn me into something else
Are really badges of honor.
And while they have tried their hardest
To mark me,
To flag me as different
As some sort of error,
All their attempts
Really only marked themselves.
As people I—
Want to be like anyway.
Even when she was a child,
Her eyes were ancient.
They held a depth inconceivable
For someone who had seen so little.
She was so young,
Yet no one ever thought she was.
She understood without words,
Thinking faster than she could speak.
Her words were murmurs and half mumbles,
If you actually cared enough to listen.
She was mature,
Like a pressed flower.
She was brave for a coward,
Slow for a genius, and
Lovable for an introvert.
She was balanced precariously on the precipice of her own demise for so long
That we all wondered what trifle
Would topple her perfect tower.
Steady as rain in a hurricane,
She stood tall.
Her limbs bowed under the strain of her own anxiety,
Yet we all knew her burden was hers to carry.
We didn’t know it was killing her.
Until one day her words came out with power.
All the thoughts she kept close to her heart
Parted her lips with passion,
Bursting forth in explosions of poetry.
So unlike the pressed flower between the pages of the tomes she hid behind,
She found her sunlight and
Speaking with clarity.
She was heard.
She was listened to.
He told me that he’d love me forever.
Not only did I reach the end of forever, but I came out on the other side.
She stared at herself in the mirror,
“I will never be beautiful.”
He didn’t believe that.
He told her she was perfect,
But not the kind of perfect you go looking for.
She was the shattered kind of perfect
That would make the world stop and stare
If it ever bothered to take notice,
But since when does the world notice broken things
That haven’t stopped ticking?
She was careful to stay alert,
Not to fall a beat behind.
She was careful to be perfect,
Save the light that lived in her eyes.
He told her he loved her,
And that she completed him,
Until she told him it was impossible,
“I will never be beautiful.”
A picture is worth a thousand words,
But who needs a thousand
When five will do?
He turned his face away
To a whole kind of perfect,
The kind the world holds onto her every breath.
“You were never really perfect.”
The spark died.
I am a name.
I am a person.
I have felt more deeply than the ocean.
I have fallen further than the sky.
I have touched
It hasn’t always been for the better.
Yet what can you expect?
I have known better
Than to refuse to learn from my mistakes,
But I am so ashamed of having them…
These two eyes observe more than you give credit for.
This heart knows pain.
I recognize a fallacy when I see it.
I am selfless,
I am beautiful,
a name human.
I am unrevised.
After the earth kisses the sun,
Wrapping it in its wooded embrace,
The sky fades from blue
Speckled with thousands of celestial bodies,
Smelling of starlight,
The earth sleeps under the cover of midnight
That the world outside the window
Is there for the watching.
Separated from cities
Where you cannot see the pollution
The sky opens its doors
To a crowd who realizes
That though you cannot see your hand
In front of your face,
The heavens have never been
I have never touched a sunset.
I have never wrapped my arms around
The rays fading from the horizon,
But I don’t need to in order to know
That it would never feel as warm as your hugs.
I cannot say I have tasted heaven,
So until I do,
Heaven will taste like your lips on mine,
When you wake me up with a kiss.
If I could pull every star from the night sky,
They would be less numerous
Than the millions of times
You have made me laugh.
I can also say
I have never experienced
Jumping off a cliff into the ocean below.
The emptiness of the free fall
Meeting with the icy cold water.
Yet I can guess
That it would feel a lot like
You leaving me behind.
If I were to walk through the desert blindfolded,
I know that if I were to take off the obstruction
That I would be right where I started,
Because the journey doesn’t matter
If your destination doesn’t exist.
Now I wake up every dawn
Floating on an iceberg
On the sea of my own loneliness.
I could drink my coffee black every morning
And it wouldn’t taste as bitter as your name on my tongue.
I deserve better than the Antarctic.
I deserve better than a journey across the desert to nowhere.
I deserve better than a note on your pillow
With only four words
Telling me you won’t be back.
I deserve sunsets.
I deserve starlight.
I deserve goodbye.